I woke up an hour ago.
I'm counting down the minutes until I can go to bed again.

I want The Underneath's new album, but it's not being sold in US yet, and I don't want to pay the shipping. I'm so excited for it, it's supposed to be amazing.

1.) It's not cold/There's no snow.
2.) I only saw about 20 minutes of the Macy's Day Parade.
3.) Thanksgiving Dinner Who?
4.) Two trips to New York, but the tree wasn't lit either time.
5.) Window displays at Barney's weren't up yet.
6.) Ran out of money, so I don't get to buy myself anything.
7.) Didn't go black Friday shopping due to:
- No money
- Mother in hospital
- I'm sick too, so I needed my rest.
8.) I'm working for a total of almost 40 hours in a matter of two days.
9.) None of the family is coming in
10.) I have so much school work due, but none of it's even started.
11.) I have that outstanding speeding ticket that I have a hearing on a week before Christmas.
12.) The new guys at Target mostly suck.
13.) My Christmas tree isn't up.
14.) I'm only asking for Christmas that I don't go too deep in debt.
15.) My friends and I don't have any time for each other.
16.) I haven't seen my maternal Grandmother in months.
17.) I haven't seen my maternal Great Aunt in months.
18.) My friends have decided to not get me anything for Christmas due to their lack of money.
19.) I can't get my friends anything due to my lack of money.
20.) I seem to have no taste for Pumpkin-anything, and usually I crave it this time of year.
21.) I played video games yesterday for the first time in months, when that's usually all I do
22.) Oprah isn't doing her "Favorite Things" Episode.
23.) I'll probably miss Ellen's 12 Days of Giveaways because of school or work.


It literally feels like Christmas is months and months away, but there's only 27 days.

I hate being one of the crowd.
This has been established.
But I'm realizing it even more as time goes on.
For example,
I enjoy the Twilight saga.
I think that Edward Cullen would be a wonderful boyfriend if her were real.
I thought the books were well written and were highly entertaining.
But, I'm not one of those ridiculously horrible Twilight fans,
Who only want to fuck Edward and Jacob because they're supposed to be the most beautiful.
Although, I'm not one of those people who are like "FUCK TWILIGHT. IT'S SO STUPID."
Like, I enjoy being in the middle ground.
Is that so wrong?
Do people have to be such extremists on every little thing?
Seriously, for every single pop culture item out there:
Politics, religion, entertainers, books, movies, etc.
There are cult-like followings and cult-like haters.
It's disgusting.
I would like to silently enjoy my Twilight.
I would like to silently enjoy my life without having to choose a side on everything.
Most of the time, I WILL choose a side, but never act on it.
I don't like when people devote their entire lives to one thing.
There's so much more to experience in this world than solely Twilight,
or even beneficial things like suicide prevention,
take a break from your activism,
slow down,
smell the roses.
You'll like what you'll find.

I'm in a much better place today.
Sleep was needed. Food was needed.
Time with friends away from the stress of family was needed.
Now, I'm a little better.


My mom had surgery today at about noon, she's out now and is doing well.
They're keeping her in ICU for another day or two, then they're moving her to her complete recovery room until they let her out.
However, I do believe she will be in there beyond the weekend.
This is going to cause major difficulties...
For example, Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but none of us know what we're doing.
My mom's best friend and my best friend invited us to their house for Thanksgiving,
But my grandmother is more than likely having us.
If not at her house, then I heard Mohegan Sun is where we will be going.
Regardless, I'm not dressing up.
I don't feel like it, they can't make me.


On a different note,
I was supposed to do my Sociology project this weekend, as well as a brief Government interview,
but it looks like I'll not get to do either of those.
There won't be time.
I'll try my best, but honestly school doesn't seem that important to me right now.
I literally turned in a one paragraph paper on Tuesday because I didn't care.
I truly don't care what I get on it and I also don't care if I do either of these projects.


Changing the subject yet again,
I am officially out of money.
I mean it this time actually.
I have about... 4 dollars? Maybe 3 left.
Total.
That's cash in pocket and in my account total is about 3 or 4 dollars.
I treated myself to a lunch at my favorite fast food place, Wendy's, for my last hoorah of money having.
This Friday, I get paid... mercifully.
But this paycheck has to be in the upper 100's to keep me afloat, and I know it probably will only scratch 150.
In which, I need to get gas first.
Then I have to pay my Bonton bill, thankfully it's only 5 bucks.
Then I have to pay my hundred dollar car insurance and 75 dollar phone bill,
but that may have to wait.
And with whatever I have left, whenever I have it left,
I have to get my friend Joelle her Christmas present.
I've never been this poor before in my life.


But I need to change the subject, yet again.
I'm having trouble listening to any other music besides Rihanna's Rated R.
It's one of the best albums I have ever heard.
G4L is probably my favorite song on the album, but Te Amo, Wait Your Turn, Hard, and Fire Bomb are also among my favorites.
I hope she does exceedingly well on the charts with this.
It's so different as to what she normally does.
And in the best way possible.
Also, Adam Lambert's album is high on my playlist, but we knew this already.
Same with GaGa.
These three artists are really making my month.

OMG. I BOUGHT ADAM LAMBERT'S AND LADY GAGA'S ALBUMS TODAY.
EVEN BETTER IN PERSON.
OMG.
OMFG.
I LOVE THEM.
PERFECTION.
ADORATION.

because I don't understand it.

People give some, not all, celebrities such major shit and I just don't understand why. If you don't like the music or movies they do, that's one thing, but can you not have respect for the person? I'm going to focus on four celebrities in this post:


First and foremost is Lady GaGa. Is she uber famous with millions of fans? Yes. She's doing quite well for herself, but I just don't understand how someone can say "I like her music, but not her." How could you not like her. You don't know her. And people give her such shit for the way she performs her songs, but it's easily the most creative way I've ever seen. She's truly an artist. Not only that, but a good 80% of the time that's her actual voice you hear at her lives. She doesn't just strut around the stage and lipsync like others do. She's the only celebrity I'm going to mention that I just don't know how people can not like. I don't understand how people can look at...oh... Chris Daughtry, Breaking Ben, and other shitty "hard rock alt bands" and think "wow, they're good!" when they don't do ANYTHING artsy with their music. They all look the same, sound the same, have the same content in their songs, and all their music videos are just them performing the song. People's perception of art needs to change. Soon.


The next person whom I would like to focus on is Miley Cyrus. Okay, so her music may not be everyone's cup of tea musically or in her acting, but I think the hatred for her needs to be toned down a bit, if not stopped. Miley may only be 17 years old, but think about it... How many people do you know at the age of 17 or slightly less will go to clubs and use the stripper poles there? People grow up. She might have been only 15 when she started her career, but next November she's going to be a legal adult. It would have been different if J. Lo or Britney or someone were up there on a stripper pole, no one would have said anything. Not even to mention when Britney started her career she was Miley's age. I think people hold Miley to a different standard for some reason. She's not any different than any other celebrity, so why is it that everything she does is blown so far out of proportion? Not even to mention, her dance on the pole wasn't even a fucking DANCE, it was just some slight gesturing on it, she wasn't doing a full on strip tease, so shut up.


Thirdly, I'd like to talk about Jeffree Star, but only briefly. This also sort of ties in with Perez Hilton, because their one in the same, only Jeffree has a music career. If you don't like his songs, that's one thing. I can understand that, because it's not everyone's thing. Disclaimer over, I just need to say: Why do people need to bash him? It's one thing if you're a staunch homophob, and quite honestly your a scum of a person if you are anyway, but that's beside the point. The point being that if you're gay and you don't like him. At all. Like, you hate him and want him to go away, there's something wrong. You should be proud that a gay man, transvestite or otherwise, is making it big. He's openly gay, and not just a little gay, A LOT GAY, and yet he's still having a legit career. Beauty Killer wasn't about just how gay he is, or "look at me, im a tranny" it was actually songs about things. Be proud, gay community, he is going far.


Finally, Adam Lambert. This kind of ties in with Jeffree, actually, so I'm not going too far. But I dare some people to make comments about his AMA performance to me, because I'll cut bitch. His performance was phenomenal. I don't know.. I just don't understand how people can look at Daughty and Papa Roach and be like WOWZIES TEHY ROX! and not like Glambert and J*

If there are three songs right now I'm hopelessly addicted to as of right now...

Evoke the World, Goodbye My Earth, and Forsaken by DEATHGAZE.


Evoke the World is much like a mainstream heavy rock song, which is why I like it. Catchy riffs and melodies as well as some screaming. His voice is lovely in the song.


Goodbye my Earth gets less mainstream, yet still pretty fantastic... but Forsaken is complete beauty. I am COMPLETELY addicted to this song. And the way it makes me feel.

Sometimes you just need to scream....
and cry...
and curse what has happened in the world...
totally deny everything that has happened.
Scream to your family...
Cry to your friends... be heard...
You need recognition of the bad things that have happened to you
and to your idols.



Jasmine....

I gave you my music.
Made your song take wing.
And now, how you've repaid me,
Denied me and betrayed me.



You will curse the day you did not do all that the Phantom asked of you.